Cousin Douglas

Assignment: Identify someone you consider to be a leader, who you also consider to be different from you in some way. Set up a time to chat with that person about their leadership experiences as they relate to the topics discussed in chapter 5 around “Understanding Others.” Here are the rules: 

1. Choose at least three concepts from the chapter as your foundation/inspiration for the questions you ask this person. 

2. On your blog, please share a) your questions, b) their answers, and c) your thoughts on the experience. For example, did they share a story that you identified with? Did they have an answer that you found challenging or contradictory? Did they say something that surprised you or made you think? Did they share any words of leadership wisdom you think others would find helpful, too? 

3. It should be clear in your blog post which concepts from the chapter you chose to focus on in your interview.

I chose to interview my cousin, Doug, because he is different from me in many ways. He is eight years older than I am and is currently preparing to graduate with his MBA from the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University. Once this happens in June, he will be returning to the "real world" (Hollywood, California) to work in the real estate investment industry. He is also getting married in April to the lovely Miss Barbara. As you can see from this brief description, we are most certainly at different stages of our leadership lives! 

Doug is second from the left

Anyway... 'bout that time, eh chap? Right Oh.

Individuality and Commonality

Q: How do you classify yourself in terms of sex, race, ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, religion, ability, and socio-economic status?

A: "Male, White, Mutt-Romanian/Polish/German, 29, Heterosexual, Jewish/Unitarian, Able, Upper-Middle Class"

Q: When working in a group, do you tend to notice the similarities or the differences between yourself and others? Which similarities and differences do you notice most often (sex, race, ethnicity, etc.)?

A: "I am usually looking for commonalities between myself and others. I want to find similarities and common ground so I can relate to the other members of my group. I also know the importance of recognizing and understanding the different skill sets that people bring to the table. This allows me to apply these various skill sets effectively toward solving problems."

Gender Diversity

Q: Can you recall a time when you felt inhibited by the expectations placed upon you because of your gender?

A: "Not really. I don't think that I've been disadvantaged because I am a man. Nothing comes to mind quickly at least."

Q: Which do you value more in leadership situations, intimacy or independence? Why?

A: "I value intimacy with the leaders and members of my group. This intimacy allows me to trust others to do their part and not let the group down. I also rely on the independence of my group members and their ability to carry out their various roles without supervision from everyone in the group. I think I value a balance between the two."

Q: Do you most often attribute your successes to internal factors (being prepared and capable) or external factors (others doing their part and luck/fate)? What about your failures? Why?

A: "I know when I am doing all that I can to ensure success, and when I am not. I try to avoid the feeling associated with NOT doing everything possible to succeed. I know that it is always necessary to recognize the contributions of others, but it can be extremely frustrating when your group members are not pulling their weight. I also recognize that there is an element of luck and fate that is involved in all of my successes and failures."

Cultural/International Diversity

Q: Have you learned any valuable lessons from visiting foreign countries/cultures or from working with culturally diverse/international students? What differences have you noticed in leadership styles amongst these people that are dissimilar from you?

A: "From my experiences, there is definitely a lot to be learned from other cultures. We live in an increasingly global and connected world, so it is important to recognize the differences in cultural norms, leadership styles, etc. Working with groups at (business) school has certainly opened my eyes to new cultures. I have learned that I need to know what to expect from various cultures, so I can be prepared to respond accordingly. For example, I have noticed a major difference between American students and Japanese students when it comes to negotiations. In Japanese culture, it is disrespectful to say no so, instead, they might say something like, 'this would be very difficult for us.' In American culture, this phrase would indicate that a slight adjustment to the offer is needed. However, this is the Japanese's way of saying no to your offer. This cultural difference is definitely something that I need to understand when going into a negotiation situation in order to respond appropriately. "

Q: In your experience as a leader, would you say most people fit into or differ from their specific stereotypes? How does this fact affect your decisions/actions as a leader?

A: "I would say that stereotypes are not always accurate, but they probably exist for some reason. Personally, I make sure to give people of all backgrounds the opportunity to prove themselves, one way or another. However, it is certainly true that some people fit into their cultural/religious/sexual stereotypes. If this is the case, it is hard to ignore the stereotype. Basically, the stereotype does not serve as an initial judgement, but if the pieces start to fit, then I may start to assume the stereotype is true for that individual."

Communication, Conflict Resolution, and Decision Making

Q: Do you consider yourself highly verbal or more inclined to personal, thoughtful writing? How has this positively and negatively affected you as a leader?

A: "Definitely highly verbal. This allows me to connect with others both quickly and easily. For me, writing takes longer and requires an increased attention to detail. I much prefer to express myself through speech and verbal interaction."

Q: What is your preferred method of conflict resolution? Do you tend to be more responsible and accountable or place blame on others/environmental factors? Are you typically differential to authority or confrontational with authority figures? How have your leadership experiences shaped your method of conflict resolution? 

A: "My preferred method of conflict resolution is to have compromise coupled with understanding. I like to hear both parties out, making them feel appreciated and understood. I want to show them how their thoughts are compatible and not compatible with the other opinions of the group. I think I am more differential than confrontational when it comes to authority figures. That doesn't mean that I'm not disagreeing with them, I just make sure that I'm doing so in a thoughtful and respectful way. I think the experiences from my childhood, playing lacrosse in particular, have shaped my method of conflict resolution. From these early sporting experiences I can draw parallels to examples of conflict resolution at work, school, etc."

Q: When making decisions, do you value the power of majority rule (prefer voting, etc.) or inclusion of the minority opinion (consensus)? Do you tend to consult others or engage in deep personal thought?

A: "I value a combination of both. Consensus is usually ideal but is often difficult to achieve given time restraints and the typical dynamics of large groups. I definitely identify the need for all opinions to be heard, even if we decide to vote on majority rule in the end. When making decisions as a leader, I almost always consult others. I try to hear and understand every perspective and see how this relates to my concepts of morality, efficiency, etc. I then make my decision based upon all of that. As far as personal decisions go, I still try to solicit other opinions as much as possible. For example, when deciding which job offer to accept for after graduation, I sought out more educated opinions, gathering as much information as possible before coming to a conclusion."

My Thoughts on the Experience

• Many of Doug's answers seemed to be "by the book". Take the questions about noticing similarities and differences (#2) for example; rather than choosing one option or the other, he explained why he stood somewhere in the middle ground. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but I probably could have predicted many of his answers. I may have even responded to the questions in a similar manner in order to be politically correct. 
• Like Doug, I could not quickly come up with an example of a time that I felt inhibited by my gender expectations (question #3). However, after further thought on the subject, I realized that there are many expectations placed on men that I now consider second nature. For example, men are expected to be chivalrous by holding doors for women, offering up their seats on public transportation, and by paying for a woman's meal when on a date. I am not sure that this is necessarily "inhibiting," but it is certainly something that I think is taken for granted.
• Also in the Gender Diversity section, Doug did not answer the questions as the book would have predicted. He saw value in both intimacy and independence, and was willing to attribute his successes and failures to both internal and external factors...Way to fight the norm, Dougy!
• I really like Doug's answers to the Cultural/International Diversity questions. I found his example from business school negotiations to be very relevant and insightful. I also agree with his take on stereotypes. I will even go one step farther and say that some people "live up to their stereotype." By this, I mean that some individuals may act a certain way--conforming to their stereotype--only because they believe that is the way in which they are supposed to act. 
• Finally, I think Doug's answers to the final two questions (conflict resolution and decision making) are very meaningful. I think these are great leadership ideas to share with the rest of the class... anyone else agree?!